In 2004 in KaoHsiung, Taiwan, Elder Dallin H. Oaks and his wife came to our mission to speak to us. Elder Oaks had many great things to say that helped me on my mission, but the one thing that really stuck out to me was in Sister Oaks' talk. She described to us a river that was a mile wide, but only an inch deep. She compared that river to the knowledge we can attain in this life. She encouraged us to seek out something in our lives we could gained greater understanding about and make it our personal river. However, instead of it being a mile wide and an inch deep, our river was to be and inch wide and a mile deep. Basically, she told us to stand for something. For example, if I had a really strong understanding and testimony of keeping the Sabbath Day holy, or paying tithing, or serving others, then I would make my knowledge and understanding in that thing so deep and strong that nothing could shake me from that belief.
Over the years, I have thought about that concept a lot, and wondered what my mile deep river was going to be. About 3 years ago, I finally figured out what it was. My inch-wide-mile-deep-river is my belief and understanding that God is our loving Heavenly Father, and that He wants to have a relationship with us just as much…no, more than, our earthly parents. I say more, because our Heavenly Father is perfect, and our earthly parents are not, bless them. Those times when we, as children, act imperfectly, He still loves us perfectly. Our earthly parents, however, might struggle with how to deal with us during those times.
Let me explain a bit more. I believe that we are all literally children of God. I am his daughter, you are his son, or daughter, in a very real way. He created us, and we lived with Him for a long time as spirits before we came here to earth. We learned a lot of things from Him. We walked and talked with Him, and we wanted so badly to grow up to be like Him. The problem was, that He had a perfected body, and we were still only a spirit. He created a plan for us to come to this earth to get a body, and learn things you can only learn in a body. He also made it so we couldn't remember our life with Him before, so that we could learn and grow. In this body, that by nature only wants to eat drink and be merry, we learn how to call on Him for help and ask Him to teach us things so that we could master this inherently selfish body and become more like our perfect Father in Heaven.
Now, I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but during my childhood and teenage years, I very rarely prayed. Prayer was something that was very hard for me to get a grip on. It wasn't until…hmm…now that I think of it, I think it wasn't until my mission that I learned to pray regularly. Until then, I would pray only when I really needed (wanted is more like it) something really bad. I was selfish, if I'm honest. But Heavenly Father was patient with me, and knew I had a lot to learn. It wasn't until after my mission, when life seemed to get really hard, that I felt like my prayers had meaning, and I was "connecting with someone" on the other end. That's when I decided to take a very very honest look at my life.
I learned that honesty was the first step in getting my life on a path that would lead me back to my Heavenly Father. I had to be honest about where I was in my life, and at that point, I was directionless, and held back by some things in my past. The only thing I knew for sure I wanted in my life was to stay close to my Heavenly Father (I had seen a lot of the opposite in my life and wanted no part of that). I had to be honest about what my relationship was with my Heavenly Father. At that point, it was not great. I didn't trust Him, I didn't know Him, and I didn't feel like He really loved me, but I did know that He was real…well, I guess I should say, I had a very strong hope and belief that He was real.
Once I was done opening up all these cans of honesty, it was time to do something about it. So I opened my heart to my Heavenly Father and I laid it all out on the line. I told Him how I felt, what I believed, what I was struggling with, I even told Him that I didn't trust him. This was breaking form for me from all the prayers of my youth, where you say what you are thankful for, then you ask for what you need, and end it in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ…a great way to start, but for me at that point, it had gotten very soulless. This time, I talked to God like he was a physical person sitting right beside me listening to every word I said. It felt strange…because it didn't feel strange. It felt good. I felt like I was being heard, and I felt loved.
That was the first step on this journey I had embarked on, to build a relationship with my Heavenly Father. Since then, I have come to understand Him as a parent. I have come to understand what a perfect parenting relationship with an imperfect child looks like. I have felt loved by Him as often as I would let that love in to my heart. I have been taught by Him so many things that have helped my life improve daily. I have gained a friend and father that I can share all of my troubles with and receive love and guidance.
So, this is my inch-wide-mile-deep-river, I know that God is real. I know that He loves each of us without prejudice. I know that as His daughter, I have the potential to grow up to be like Him if I will stay close to Him. I know that He is perfect. And I love Him with all of my heart.
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