While I am not a mother, I have been in several positions of leadership in my life, where the emotional and spiritual, if not physical, welfare of others has been under my stewardship. During these times, I have learned a lesson over and over again that has recently helped me to understand this concept of "bearing one another's burdens" on a deeper level. It is a concept that I learned from Gandhi, actually. The story is told in many different versions from many different sources, so let my paraphrase it here for you.
The story goes, that a mother brought her son to Gandhi so that he would use his wonderful influence to make the boy stop eating sugar. Gandhi told the woman he would, but that she would have to come back in a week. The mother left, very upset that he didn't just tell her son on the spot to not eat sugar, but came back in a week as Gandhi desired. When she brought her son before Gandhi, he knelt down before the little boy, and said to him, "My child, please stop eating sugar. It is unhealthy for you."
The mother was again upset, and asked, "Why did it take you a whole week to tell him this?"
Gandhi looked at the mother and said, "I was still eating sugar myself last week."
Over the years, I have had many opportunities to talk with mother's who are struggling with a child who is…struggling. A mother worries over the fact that her daughter doesn't want to go to church and doesn't understand the point of it. Another mother is dealing with a son who has major control issues, and thinks his parents rules are confining and stupid. While yet another mother couldn't understand why her daughter was so irresponsible and lacked motivation. My advice to them has always lead my back to this story of Gandhi and this idea of leading by example. However, to say it is just that simple, is neither true, nor helpful. It is more complex than that.
I served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints almost 10 years ago. As a missionary, it was my job to teach people about the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ, and invite them to come unto Christ. As I did this, the people I would come across had many different challenges and I had to figure out how to understand those challenges, and how to help those people overcome them. The most effective way for me to do that, was to find the "root" of their problem, and work on overcoming that "problem" inside myself.
For example, there was an amazing woman we met in Tainan, Taiwan. She had a drink truck that sold all sorts of cold teas and drinks to passersby on a hot day. Her problem was that in order to make ends meet, their family ran their drink truck seven days a week just to make ends meet. She had a problem closing down the drink truck on Sunday to come to church. So, I made that my problem, and I studied everything I could about it. I pondered why Sunday was the Sabbath, why it was so important, and how I could make my Sabbath worship more meaningful. I set goals on how to accomplish it, and I worked on those goals as we continued to teach her. A couple of weeks later, I was able to share with her my experiences and how The Lord had blessed me for making these changes. That week, she was able to come to church, something her drink truck business had not allowed her to do in the past. She was able to feel the Spirit, and was blessed to feel the love of The Lord, and learn for herself the importance of keeping the Sabbath day holy.
More than the fact that I had seen things from her point of view was the fact that I had taken on her burden. This concept takes the old adage "do as I say, not as I do," and kicks it to the curb. If you want people to follow, then you lead by example, yes, however, if you want to help them to overcome hard things, you have to lift the burden with them. I had a new realization about this concept this week as I thought about loved ones in my life, and how I can be more a part of their life. I had a prompting to ask each of them what they would have me include in my prayers for them. Praying for people is well and lovely, but sometimes can be tricky if you don't want to overstep your bounds and encroach on their agency. However, to pray for something that person feels very passionately about, or that is something they've been praying about for a while that a could use a little extra faith, is a very powerful thing. If you're struggling with a life decision, or struggling with a trial, and I can add my faith to yours, is that something you would say no to? Not only am I able to add my faith to a cause you feel strongly about, but in a very real sense I am bearing your burden with you, which makes that burden lighter. If your child is struggling with self-esteem issues, and you make that problem your own, you study it, you set a goal, and you work on greater self-esteem yourself, you are better equipping yourself to cope with the issues your child might bring to you. You are bearing their burden, by making their burden yours and showing them that they matter, because you're taking the time to understand their pain and struggle. If your spouse is having hard time understanding your side of things, and having a hard time showing love to you as you need it, then take the time to study their side of things. Take the time to understand how they need to be loved. Pray for more love and understanding for them. Bear their burden. Make it light. They will come to understand their problems in a whole new light, because they won't have to deal with those problems alone.
I think my point is made by now, I just want to emphasis this one last portion with an example from the Savior. He said, "take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light". -Matthew 11:29-30
Ever since my mission, I have come to understand the power that comes from inviting someone (which always includes myself) to change. That invitation to change is always related to the concept we have just studied. So, I would like to offer a challenge here, and it may become a regular part of this blog…who knows.
I would challenge all of us, to ponder on the above scripture for a moment, and prayerfully consider what it means to take His yoke upon us. Then, for the next week, pray for and look for the opportunities to do that, to take His yoke upon you. I would love to hear what you learn along the way and how this challenge goes for you, so please leave a comment!
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