Intelligence vs Faith

Faith is…something that just when I think I have a grasp on it, it slips away like a fish.  Yet, I have come to see the necessity of it as I have stood back and watched several people, most of them close friends of mine lean so heavily on "logic" and "intelligence" for understanding, that I think I am beginning to understand how it works a bit better.  Hopefully I can explain this so it actually makes sense.

I recently saw a clip of a man who is an atheist having a "dialogue" (I use scare quotes here because this man typically likes to invite people of faith on to his program so he can try and rip them apart on national television and play king of the hill) with an "intelligent Christian", a label he so "graciously" gave to the man he was talking to.  As I watched this clip, I found myself getting very upset that the man who was an atheist was frankly being a jerk and trying to make his guest look like and idiot.  He kept trying to sway the argument with his "logic".  Now, don't get me wrong, logic is a good thing most of the time.  Logic, if it is true logic, can override ignorance and so-called-intelligence at times, and blaze a wonderful trail to faith, but the problem with logic, it that it is very subjective.  As such, one of the things that can take logic on to the point of ignorance, hatred, and bullying, is when it is coupled with pride.  This is something that happens too quickly and easily that we are all guilty of it, most likely on a daily basis.  

I had a friend on Facebook who posted a disparaging comment a while back about people who were religious flooding Facebook with their beliefs about Easter.  I was really affected by her comment and made the decision to unfriend her.  I did not do this because I do not think she has a right to her opinions, or as any sort of "punishment" to her, I did this because she does have a right to her opinions, but her comment was made to be mean on purpose, and showed a lack of respect towards her friends that are religious (logic would tell me here that if she didn't have more than one friend, me, who was religious, she wouldn't see any posts about Easter), and I do not want to see that kind of negative energy on my news feed.  It was as if she was a dog nipping at you because you are in their personal space; a territorial and defensive response.  Instead of respectfully sharing her personal beliefs, she took a bite.  There was such a big part of me that wanted to write something snarky back, just to "out-whit" her, but then I'm the one doing the biting.

As I thought about this friend of mine, along with other friends I have who may not be atheist, but are certainly not in favor of organized religion, along with the man in the video clip, I pondered about why they so adamantly argue against religion.  It made me wonder if they have ever had a true experience of faith or if they have only gone off of intellect alone. Or, if they had had an experience with faith, had they had forgotten about it?
For me, my personal experiences with faith are what help me to understand other religions and faith. Those experiences are the reason I stand up for, and would fight for religious rights, not just for myself, but for anyone of any religion…"let them worship how, where, or what they may"(Articles of Faith 1:11) and that includes my friends and that man. 

This got me thinking about why faith elicits that kind of reaction from me.   

True faith, leads one to action, in a direction they would not normally go, but in a direction they believe will enhance their life and make them a better person.  It leads them in a direction that they believe to be right.  The small catch, is that faith only "works" for things that are true.  For example, I can have all the "faith" in the world that eating a dozen donuts a day will help me loose weight, but because it is not true, it will not happen.  So, when I have faith in something, if it proves unfruitful, it is not really faith.  It is merely misguided hope.  That is why we are always told in the scriptures to have faith in Christ, because He is a sure foundation, and if our faith is rooted in Him, we will not fall.  He is the one thing, or person, that all true faith can grow from and produce miracles.
Now, misguided intellect or logic would say there are many people throughout history who have had faith in Christ and did terrible things in his name.  My argument is that they did not have faith.  They had a massive dose of pride.  Pride, mixed with manipulation that fed their own egos.
"By their fruits ye shall know them" (Matt 7:20), and that is why I say, anyone with true faith in Christ, cannot be lead astray and can and will produce miracles.  Logic and intellect cannot produce miracles; they are limited.  Understanding coupled with faith can produce miracles, and what follows afterward is wisdom and knowledge.
Like I said, this is not a comprehensive understanding of faith, it is a small dip in the ocean that is faith. I do have faith that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.  I know he lives, and that he gave his life so that I could make mistakes and come back from them and be a little wiser.  I know that God is our Heavenly Father, and that faith in Him and His Son Jesus Christ, will produce miracles in our lives.  And I know these things, not because my intellect has come to this conclusion after visiting all the "facts," but because I have had faith in Them, and They have sealed in my heart and in my mind this knowledge through the Holy Ghost.

Lots of Upheaval

Sorry, again, that it has been so long since my last post.  I moved and got a job all at the same time in April, and life has been chaotic ever since.
I started working as a substitute teacher, which was great, and horrifying at the same time.  I have developed a rather large soap box about our public education system after that job, but I will not be sharing it any time soon, at least not here anyway.  But of course that ended in May with the end of the school year, and the search for another job still goes on.
There have been other opportunities for jobs, not in Logan, that have come up.  There has been talk of other living arrangement opportunities as well, also not in Logan.  There has been many days spent in the temple trying to figure these things out, as well as a timely calling to be an ordinance worker in the Logan Temple which I start this Saturday evening.  I am really excited about this!!!
Oh! and I got a car!  My Mom, came to visit a few weeks ago, and she ended up buying a new car while visiting so she gave me her old one.  I am so incredibly blessed!!

                                          My Mom's first selfie on her new iPad.

Though I have not published any new posts in a while, I have had one that I have been editing this whole time, and I think I am finally ready to publish it.
I have been pondering a lot lately about our opinions and how "free" we are to share them now with social media and the internet, and so I have been trying to be very conscious of what I post.  I have no wish to offend anyone…though I do also believe that if you want to be offended, you will find a way to make that happen.  So, I post these thoughts, not as a claim that my thoughts are the end-all-be-all of truth that exists in the universe, but rather as an option to think about and see if it fits for you.
In short, my plea to all of us out there, is to please opinion responsibly.

Small Bits of News

This last Saturday I was blessed to be able to go to Salt Lake City, Utah, to go to the General Women's Conference that kicks off the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Today, I bought a Honda Passport Scooter as my new form of transportation, at least for the summer.  I feel very blessed that Heavenly Father made and allowed this to happen.  I have been learning a lot of humility when it comes to the things I think I need, and the things I just really really want.  If you need further proof, just read my post about being entitled.

She needs a new name…any suggestions?

And finally, it's not news, but I had to show how brave these two were the other day as I left the door open for them to explore.

Brave but not quite brave enough…

Easter!

It is now a week until Easter and I am pretty excited about it.  Easter is usually a holiday that I overlook because I do not have kids to hide eggs from, and all I remember about it growing up is that when I was really little I got a new dress.  But this year, I hope to make it a little more special.  I have been looking for ways to create new traditions for myself to make things like this more special.  And, since this season is all about our Savior, and the fact that He descended below all things, and even gave up His own life, so that He could reclaim it and conquer death, I would like to share with you a video that talks about the hope His life brings to us today. #BecauseHeLives

What Am I Entitled to?

I think it is safe to say, that if you have a pulse and are an adult, you have more than likely had at least one conversation discussing how "entitled" kids today feel they are, and how it is such a shame that we all have to deal with their attitudes because of it.  It is a problem…but it has made me wonder what I think I am entitled to.  Kids don't just make things up.  They learn their behaviors somewhere, and as much as it may kill us to think they are learning these things from us adults…THEY ARE!  The same goes for bullying, but that is a whole other post for a day when I'm not in danger of writing about it and being a little too opinionated (aka sassy).

So, I have been thinking this week, what exactly am I entitled to?  What do I think I am entitled to that I am really not?  

I have this habit, maybe more of a knee-jerk-reaction, of "just stopping to get something to eat" when I am out and about, because it is just more convenient than driving all the way home and fixing something and then driving all the way back out to finish what I am doing.  Besides, I earned this money I am about to spend, so that means I can do whatever I want with it…right?  

Does anyone else spot the extreme justification going on in there?  Every word of it is justification.  The truth is, I have food at home that is better for me and it will not cost me anything extra.  The only thing it will cost me in the end is a little delayed gratification.  Do I have to eat something at that exact moment?  No, usually I am justifying the situation because the clock says it is noon, and I just happen to be a block away from a place to eat.  Is it going to kill me to wait until all my errands are done, to then go home and fix myself something to eat?  No.  Did you know that  "no" can be a complete sentence?  And, if I know I am going out, and it is going to take quite a bit of time, I am perfectly capable of taking something with me to eat along the way.  

As I have monitored my thoughts lately, I have found that a huge portion of them are justification.   It goes back to my last post.  How long can rolling waters remain impure?  Stagnate waters are breeding grounds for filth.  What is justification if not just another reason to not do the right thing?  Am I keeping my thoughts rolling in a healthy and righteous direction by praying constantly, singing or listening to  hymns or other uplifting music, memorizing and citing memorized scriptures, poems or other uplifting and virtuous things? Or am I letting my mind just be stagnate, listening to music that is not uplifting, or obsessing about how someone annoyed us, or spending hours on social media?  Our mind is a living thing.  If it is not busy living, it is busy dying.  

So, I guess back to the original question?  What am I entitled to?  As a child of God, I am entitled to…nothing but my own will.  Because of the laws of eternity, I can expect blessings when I act righteously, but consequences are not entitlements.  Besides that, The Lord blesses us just for living, and then on top of that, he blesses us when we do what is right, so we are always in debt to Him.  WE ARE ENTITLED TO NOTHING…but our will.  That is all we have.  That concept has really pestered me all week this week. 

My wonderful friends have been letting me use their truck as I have been down here, and the registration expires in 4 days.  I have been frantically looking for another mode of transportation thinking that I have to have something, and that I actually deserve something to get around in.  You simply cannot not have a vehicle here and survive.  Justification.  I am not, just by virtue of being a human being living in Logan, Utah, entitled to a vehicle to drive.  Yet, our society believes this lie so much, that we are willing to go into debt up to our ears to get the things we truly believe we are entitled to.  It just so happens that I have many options of transportation around here.  Cache Valley has a really great bus system here, and I have had more than one offer of bicycles to get me around.  Is it ideal? No. Is it going to take more effort on my part? Yes.  Am I entitled to anything more? Absolutely NOT!

How do we get our kids to stop being entitled spoiled little brats?  We stop justifying our own ridiculous actions and teach them that delayed gratification is not going to kill us, and in fact, it is a good thing a lot of the time.  We stop blaming everyone and everything else for our children's core beliefs and start looking at our own core beliefs.  We stop believing the old "do as I say not as I do" saying and start being accountable for our own actions as the best way to teach our children to be the amazing adults we would like them to become (once again that goes for bullying too).

So, what have you believed you are entitled to?  What do you do to keep your mind rolling in righteousness?  How has your example helped or hindered your children's attitudes?  I would love to hear your comments.  

How Long Can Rolling Waters Remain Impure?

This thought has been rolling through my mind a lot lately.  I am not a water expert, so I do not know the precise time it takes for a river to clean itself when it is contaminated, but I do know that it can.  If you think about it, the way that water is filtered is by running it through a bunch of stuff that you find naturally in rivers.  We can see this in the following picture. 

In Doctrine and Covenants 121:33, The Lord teaches us something about this. "How long can rolling waters remain impure?  What power shall stay the heavens?  As well might man stretch forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri River, or turn it upstream, as to hinder the Almighty from pouring down knowledge from heaven upon the heads of the Latter-day Saints."  If we think about our minds as rolling waters that are being the receptacles of knowledge from heaven, it would make sense that they need to be rolling rivers and not stagnant ponds, right?  

I was connecting this with a talk I was listening to by Elder Holland entitled The Tongue of Angels where he talked about the power of words.  He talked about how amazing things happened when The Lord, or any of his prophets, apostles, or disciples spoke very specific words.  This world, and the universe were created as The Lord spoke.  Prophets moved mountains, by the spoked word.  People were healed, and people were smote. 

I think we have all felt the affect of words in our day to day lives.  We have been crushed by words that have torn us down, and we have felt deep abiding love from words spoken to us by loved ones.  These words have power.  We have also all seen, sadly enough, the effects of bullying, how words can drive someone to do the unthinkable.   

I think it is quite obvious to most, that there is a lot of negativity out there in the world.  I have been noticing it particularly in posts that make their way around social media, and the majority of it is in click-bait ads.  A whole lot of judgment is thrown at a person, group, or idea, but what they will never do is give you the whole story, including the other side of the story.  The reason I bring all of this up, is because I have found it very easy to join in on the judging and the criticizing myself.  On occasion I have done it publicly, with a "like" or brief comment to add fuel to the fire, but most of the time, the argument is just in my head, but the damage is done non-the-less. 

The point is this; am I choosing to be a stagnant pond, were negative thoughts can sit and build upon themselves like bacteria, or am I choosing to be a rolling river, constantly renewing my thoughts with positive ones? I was thinking about this in context of being kind.  I know for myself, and many others I have talked to, sometimes it can be weird and awkward and scary to say something nice to someone.  There is so much opposition to doing it.  We think, "How are they going to react?"  "What are they going to think of me?"  "What if they think I am an idiot, or just walk away like I'm a creeper?"

Now let me ask you something else.  When was the last time you regretted complimenting someone?  When was the last time you regretted getting a compliment from someone?  When was the last time you became mortal enemies with someone just because they said something nice to you?  All of those reasons why you shouldn't, that go through your head are all the influence of the one person, Satan.  Remember how we talked earlier about how words have power?  He knows that, and he does not want you to have that kind of power for good in this world.  He knows that when you say one nice thing, it is going to be that much easier to say something nice a second time, and a third, and to become that rolling water, which when you become that, CANNOT be stopped from receiving knowledge from heaven.  Talk about power.  

So, my challenge to us all is to say that kind thing that pops into your head to that person it pops into your head about.  That kind thought is put there for a reason, to be acted on.  If it is in your head, it is sincere, so don't worry about trying to come up with something nice to say to some random person and force it.  However, if it is already in your head, why not say it?  See how they react.  I can say from personal experience, I have never had anyone say, "Leave me alone creep".  Most of the time, they are completely surprised, and excited that someone noticed them that day.  Most of the time they will say, "Thank you".  Now, if that happens, don't panic, just say, "You're welcome".  

I would love to hear about your experiences.  Let me know in the comments below.  Also by commenting it helps me to know you actually have a pulse:)

Weight and Learn

No, that is not a grammar error.  I wanted to share with you all something I have been learning about my whole life. 

From as early as I can remember, I knew I needed to lose weight.  I remember well meaning adults telling me that I would grow out of being fat, I remember not so well meaning kids asking me how tall I was…when I was laying down.  I remember growing up with this belief in my head that if I could lose the weight, things in life would be so much better, in fact, it would solve all problems…of…ever! As I became a teenager, I believed that if I could lose the weight, my chances were higher that I would be able to have a boyfriend, and that is what life is all about after all, isn't it?  As I officially became an adult, I believed, "Okay, now that I have TOTAL control over my life, this is going to be so much easier to lose weight, I'll meet a guy who looks exactly like Collin Ferrell, and I'll get married, and life will be smooth sailing from there".   The weird thing is, I did start to lose weight, without even trying, and then even more from trying, and then I went on a mission!  It was great!  I wasn't a size eight my any means, I wasn't even out of the double digits, and I still felt like a blimp, but I was the "smallest" I had ever been.  And people were noticing!  Some people were even jealous, and my parents were proud.  After I got home, however, I proceeded to put every single pound I had lost, back on.  

It was at this time I decided to make it a serious matter of prayer.  After all, how many times are we told in the scriptures, "Ask and ye shall receive", or "If you ask in faith with a sincere heart…", if it is a righteous desire, I should receive it…right?  For the last ten years, that prayer is one that is never far from my heart.  I am uncomfortable in my own skin.  I don't feel attractive, I don't even feel beautiful anymore.  I think I did for a little bit, until these last 40 lbs I put on ever since I started having back issues.  Anyway, the point is I have worked so hard, fought so hard, and continue to fight, even though so much of this seems to be a losing battle.  

Now, is where I insert some of the things I have learned along the way as I have so earnestly prayed, fasted, bargained, threw tantrums about, protested over, and pleaded with The Lord for Him to help me…to allow me to lose the weight.  Yep, that is right, I just said "allow" me to lose the weight.  But we will get back to that in a minute. 

First thing is first.  When I started praying for this righteous desire, Heavenly Father taught me that a major reason I was holding on to the weight was because of some emotional issues I was holding on to and not dealing with.  I'm not expert, but I think I can say for most anyone that deals with being overweight or obese, there are emotional issues there that are contributing to your weight.  If you did not know that already, or have not ever thought about that before, it is a great place to start.  Okay, so I started working on that, I started seeing a counselor. Check! 

Three years later, and nothing had changed…  Then one day, I felt like going to the library and as I was browsing through all the books, I found The Fat Girl's Guid to Life by and English author, Wendy Shanker.  This book rocked my world!!  In this book, she also referenced another British author Susie Orbach, and her book Fat is a Feminist Issue.  I devoured both of these books.  There is way too much information in them for me to share here, so I highly recommend reading them yourselves (also keeping in mind, I didn't necessarily believe EVERY thing they said, but that is Non-fiction for you).  However, a couple of things stood out to me.  I began to understand how culture shapes each of us individually, and how we all handle that shaping in our own ways.  For example, the world likes to tell us that as women, our worth is embedded in our sexuality, in our ability to be good mother's, and in our ability to adapt ourselves to this "man's world."  Many women handle that pressure differently, some embrace it, some fight against it, and some…avoid the debate altogether and put a physical barrier between themselves and these pressures.  I realized, myself, that I had a real issue with being seen as a sexual object, in that I knew I was so much more than that, and that was a major reason behind me putting on so much weight.  Subconsciously, it made sense that if I could put an cushion between me and men, I could avoid that problem, and if I could get them to see me for all of my other qualities, and like me for those reasons and not for my sexuality, then goal accomplished.  The truth is, even though I somewhat understand and comprehend this, it is still a major issue for me. 

Another concept that stood out to me, was the weight-loss industry and what a bunch of crap it is.  The thing that really stood out to me was when Wendy Shanker talked about specific weight-loss companies that we have all belonged to at one time or another…they are businesses…they are in this to make money, and if we lose weight, and keep it off…they are out of business!  I admit, I was in denial about this for a while…"but I did lose weight, it did work, I was the one who gave up…"  As hard as this was for me to swallow, when it comes right down to it, if you have to invest any kind of money on a program to help you lose weight, it's a load of crap, and a waste of your time, your emotion, and your money.  

One final thing that I will share that I gleaned from these books, was that by limiting myself from eating foods that all my life were "bad" for me, I was creating a destructive pattern for me.  I would limit myself, and then I would lose all will-power, and go binge on that thing I had restricted myself from.  What I did next took a leap of faith, but I decided to stop that behavior and to learn a new behavior by doing the exact opposite.  If I wanted something, I would go buy  a three month supply of it, so my subconscious would know that I was not going to run out of it.  I know, it sounds crazy to stock your freezer brim-full with ice cream, twinkles, and cupcakes, but that is exactly what I did.  I also went out and got a 24 pack each of my three favorite sodas.  The logic behind this for me was, that all my life I had been doing the same thing expecting different results.  That is insanity!  So, I stopped.  And you know, what?  I don't binge on that stuff anymore.  It was almost immediate.  I stopped feeling deprived.  That stuff started to lose its appeal.  I now hardly ever even crave it.  I crave sugar, for sure, but when I go to the store, or even think of going to the store to buy it, nothing sounds good, and I end up not getting anything and am just fine afterward.  Every food I grew up obsessing over and binge eating, has become unappetizing.  Oh! and, when I decided to take that leap of faith, I didn't gain an single pound. In fact, I lost about 30 lbs. at one point after I started doing that.

So, for the last ten years, I have been learning these things and implementing them into my life.  I did gain back those 30 lbs. and another 10 when issues with my back made me immobile, and I would over eat in order to feel some kind of control over my life, but that is another story.  The point is, I am still over-weight.  Ten years of pleading, and praying, and fasting, and throwing fits, and bargaining, and protesting, and this blessing was still not granted unto me.  Was I not worthy?  Was it not a righteous desire after all?  Did He want me to be miserable?

No. I was doing everything He asked me to do, and I had come so far.  I was a completely different person than when I started.  I am kinder, I have more compassion, I have a much stronger and closer relationship with The Lord.  I am less judgmental, in a big way!  The thing He has taught me lately is from Ether 12:27 

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their^aweakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that^dhumble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make ^eweak things become strong unto them."

Did you notice the part where He say's "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble".  I have come to understand that when the Lord gives us things, it is because no amount of our own worldly power can acquire it on our own.  Contrary wise, if He gives it to us, He has to have the final say in it going away "then will I make weak things become strong unto them".  

I have to keep doing my part.  I have to keep working for it.  I have to continually humble myself, particularly about this thing, before Him.  I do not know when or if in this life I will ever be a “comfortable” weight for me.  I think I still have a lot of unhealthy attitudes toward myself and about being overweight, mostly about my self-worth, but I know this weakness has been absolutely essential to my growth in this life, and it will continue to be a part of my life until The Lord sees fit that it be gone.  That does not give me a license to give up.  It gives me incentive to press forward, with steadfast faith in Christ.

The Lord has taught me some other cool things about my weight, and why I still need it, but those are personal and sacred and if they are true for anyone else, then they are things that need to be sought out and learned by the Spirit.  Which, I guess is the whole reason I felt very strongly about writing about this subject.  I know so many amazing women, bright, intelligent, spiritual, amazing women, who are dealing with very similar things, and if this can be of any help at all, to anyone, men included, then it is worth laying a lot of myself open like this.  

Several posts before, I talked about extending challenges to you, my wonderful readers, and to myself.  My challenge this time, is to pray about this for yourself.  If you have ever struggled with weight issues, or if someone you love has ever struggled with weight issues, pray about it.  If you  are the one struggling, pray to find out what The Lord needs you to learn from this weakness, and then lay this burden at His feet.  If it is someone you love, pray to understand how you can be supportive and...understanding.  And, if you have thoughts, and would like to share them, please comment below.